Layers

Some people are made of layers and layers. It’s like you think you know them but you honestly don’t. The thing is, they’re not unpredictable. It’s just that it takes much wisdom and sensitivity to bring out the deepest part of their being.

I guess the sad part is that the layers are very much the offspring of years of losing trust and not having it rebuilt, of having something stolen and no longer returned. I never wanted layers, but in the process of getting my second and nth chances I had inevitably put one guard over another, one damage getting resolved after another.

But-—what I love most about being a person of layers is that I surprise people. It always seems like they have so much to learn about me even after years of knowing me. And I guess that’s the beauty of it, that no matter how complicated it may seem, there’s something new and wonderful to take in.

That is why I don’t have any regrets for how I turned out-—excited when I am interested and obsessed when I am passionate. Thirsty for knowledge, skeptical when bored, silent when reeling, squealing when I’m over-the-top happy—these are all, I am proud to say, me. Though a number of the things I’ve just enumerated tend to change depending on the situation, I frankly don’t feel bothered that my layers also surprise me. One minute I’m too perky, the next I’m a hundred percent focused. That is perfectly fine because it proves I’m human.

Lastly, I should never have questioned if I did good and if those good things that I did were well enough. I also don’t have any apologies for how I reacted and the efforts I struggled to exert just to allow people to see through my layers. If they don’t get it, if it had become too complicated to have at least an inkling of how I was feeling, then I am convinced of one thing and one thing only: it is not my loss.

Love, the (Anti)Social Butterfly

I don't bite. It's obvious that a lot of people have difficulty connecting with me. As I've been told, I can be terribly intimidating especially at first glance. I also don't take the first step, I don't budge if I'm ignored. But I don't bite. It's just that I'm wrapped in so many layers and it takes a combination of time and guts and effort to appreciate the nice and loyal person that I am.